We tell the story of 35-year-old Natalya Nesterenko , who during depression thought that loses mind , and which was killed by the words " take control of yourself".
TEXT: Zoya Nikityuk, PSYCHOLOGIST ADVICE: Maryna Fateeva , PHOTO: Anna Bobyreva
A year ago to me did surgery on the jaw , established implants . But in two weeks started
complications At first, swelling of the tongue , then one stomatitis changed others , it started
herpetic sore throat Lived with a permanent pain , there were such wounds in the mouth that ate only liquid meals
and only through a tube. In four months , it seems , passed all are possible analyzes and bypassed doctors
different profiles . No one could find out the cause of such unreal pain. I was hoping for help
known professor I remember how after review he looked at me and said: "You have everything
great ! Removal implant will not change the situation . The problem was invented, so treat it nervous
system". Wished me good luck and continued engage in own affairs
Subsequently it turned out that implants are still needed remove - they have not taken root , the body rejected
alien the body Before the operation , I began to notice that something was being done to me strange In the morning
woke up and felt like the whole body trembles , and the heart , without exaggeration , flies out of the chest,
diaphragm allegedly taken from a vise . But I thought that after the deletion operation will pass.
Crazy state
However, it got worse . I am constantly was fussing , could not relax sit , do something from household chores,
without saying already about work in the office (Natalia works as a lawyer - ed.). She ran away from the apartment to the forest ,
lakes - where whatever you want somehow experience this one increased anxiety and excitement . Before that
never cried, didn't understand what it's like to cry ? But during the depression cried tears for years
forward... At twelve o'clock at night drank a lot of sedatives drops that were in the first-aid kit , and fell asleep .
I hoped that the next day something will change But woke up at five or six in the morning -
and everything began again ....
I convinced myself that this will always be the case .
For some reason I believed the professor's words that the problem was with me . In two weeks after operations
began to think that madness
Man promised that we will find the best doctors , necessarily we will heal I believed .
In return constantly I heard : " Take care of yourself!", " Others are not like that endure , and you so strong and
suddenly dropped her hands." I hated it these phrases I felt worthless , guilty before
husband , son All of them my tears perceived as evasion from household and family responsibilities .
Subsequently the man gave an ultimatum: " Get well , and then let's talk ." And I just wanted to
warmth , security , to hugged and sometimes made tea - at that moment would be enough .
Unfortunately, our marriage trial my could not stand the depression . Now we are parting .
the only one the person who constantly supported me was my mother . She was next to me , took it upon myself
all domestic responsibilities , she understood that I was not making it up , but to me it's really scary, and I ca n't do it anymore do
what I did before that .
EXPERT ADVICE
Maryna Fateeva , psychologist, psychotherapist
6 SIGNS OF DEPRESSION THAT YOU SHOULD PAY ATTENTION TO
If for two or three weeks you notice behind yourself or your relatives a person at least three symptoms -
consult a doctor .
1. Lost feeling pleasure Mood worsens for no apparent reason, you worry emotional
a state when you don't want anything , things that called emotions before , they don't cling anymore .
Thoughts about suicide
Tried avoid his own twelve years old son , worried that he did not begin to count
me crazy I felt like a bad mother , I was afraid to lose a child understood
if I will remain without him - he definitely does not have to live sense And these experience led to the fact that
thought about suicide . For the first time in my life . I was incredibly scared.
Little by little they began to disappear from mine life and people who considered close ones Although about their own
not tell about the experience . It was embarrassing. And I just didn't want to soon hear phrases
such as " Take care of yourself", "Go to the cinema , relax ", " Eat a chocolate bar". I was afraid
even pick up a mobile phone or turn on the laptop. I was afraid to go outside ,
communicate with people. She could move around the city only by taxi - none public
transport What movie could it be about ?
mine was the biggest fear go crazy, and also when the pain after operations not yet
passed, stay a disabled person
2. More and more often eats up self-criticism and self-accusation : "I'm worthless ", " I haven't achieved anything ", "I can't do anything ",
" It's better won't be anymore " etc.
Now I understand that means the expression "fear paralyzed " - she experienced such a condition. always knew
what I want and how to do it reach , and here suddenly a dead end, there is no way out , it seems , it will always be like this . It terrible , believe me .
So it continued six months Until I called mine an acquaintance a neurologist . She me carefully listened and said: "You have a depressive state. It is necessary begin psychotherapy and drug treatment . Urgent !".
Always knew what I wanted and how to do it reach , and here suddenly a dead end, there is no way out , it seems , it will always be like this .
Happiness is just sitting
I remember the first time came to see a psychotherapist. She immediately noted that does not prescribe medication , they say , we will to be treated according to some method - I did not remember the name . I listened and understood that I was suffocating , swallowing air , it seemed , I would not have time make inhale and exhale . Tried answer the psychotherapist's questions . However actually was thinking his way home and with horror I wondered how I would get on the tram. I visited few sessions and stopped - it didn't make much sense .
Haven't found it yet a specialist who not only conducted psychotherapy sessions , and also appointed necessary antidepressants . I was able to do it in three weeks finally quietly sit , and not walk from corner to corner, independently put the kettle on, brew coffee Then understood that happiness in such a trifles , as simple as... sit down . Per month after the beginning of therapy and medical treatment , she returned to work in the office . I was not well. First thing I do every morning slipped out of bed , cried strong spasms in the back , from what body like a stone, from a terrible headache. I did everything because of " I ca n't ", because organism forgot elementary exercises In addition, she has slimmed down by fifteen kilograms .
3. Physical weakness so strong that impossible get out of bed Although visible reasons for this there is no
4. Disturbed sleep: you wake up at night or early in the morning (at four or five hours ), you cannot fall asleep for a long time .
5. Changed food habits If earlier ate with appetite , now they do not bring food pleasure If there were more restrained in food , then now eat like you don't.
6. Feel it irritability , often want cry though were balanced before a person did n't even want to eat .
YOU ARE IN THE RISK ZONE IF:
• someone from loved ones relatives also suffered from depression - genetic predisposition no one canceled ;
• noticed seasonality in themselves mood swings ( spring and autumn feel worse );
• you have recently given birth to a child and you have a limited circle of communication - there is no one to share a difficult time with situation , you do not feel sufficient support from close people;
• have problems from vessels (in this case depressive symptoms are more severe flows and is resistant to therapy );
• accept many things close to your heart , you worry about everyone and everything;
• often worry stress Unfortunately, it can the moment will come when the nervous system will not withstand and even insignificant troubles will " finish " you.
Now , when I feel it in my heart peace when I can eating and enjoying the taste is very expensive . I am so much wanted to live as before , that I cannot imagine how people live with depression for a long time and refuse to be treated
In this fighting depression me very my mother and mine helped a doctor They believed in me when I did n't believe in myself anymore ... If yours there is a person around who is experiencing depression , do not leave her Make it clear that you near that you always ready to help , support in a good word, love . It is valuable when close understand that depression is a terrible and insidious disease. I am not exaggerating .
If that happened , what you remained alone with depression , nobody there is no near , in none in this case, do not close in yourself . About " I am ashamed of someone tell ", " me inconvenient ask for help » in general need to forget Urgently (on this I emphasize ) look for a doctor , share his own pain with those whom you trust . While being treated , because of " I ca n't " go to work, to training , walks , do what used to bring pleasure , or try it something that has been wanted for a long time .
Perhaps it is strange, but I am grateful depression . Nowadays I am surrounded other people, I treat work differently , I appreciate it elementary things Earlier life reminded continuous racing.
Nowadays I still I continue treatment and I am working on that to stop to take everything to heart is was my serious problem.
But I feel that I am returning to my former self . As? Earlier , when I had bad mood , switched on music and started cleaning . Banal, but helped When I started doing it not so long ago also exactly , I understand - I will recover .
5 TIPS FOR SUPPORTING A PERSON EXPERIENCING DEPRESSION
1. Never say : " Take care of yourself!", " Pull yourself together!", "Don't make it up ", " You are strong!" What like this ?" and the like . These phrases depreciate experience of a person who depression She already feels bad, she is already ashamed of his condition and the call to " get a hold of yourself!" will lead only to the point that a person close to you will be in full isolation , will no longer turn to you for help .
2. Show that you next to you and support you - that's it the most important thing . They help the following words : "I understand that you worry ", " You can count on me ", "With everyone it happens , you you'll manage ." The main thing is to do it it's sincere
3. Do not stop calling , visiting , inviting somewhere go together close a person should feel that he is not alone, his love , understand and support .
4. Try to understand It is difficult for those who have not experienced depression imagine that man really ca n't get out of bed It is difficult to explain , but it is so Physical state in depression reminds flu - only double heavier
5. Remember that depression is impossible overcome only efforts will She is called physiological disorders in the brain . That is why it is needed help specialist and in the majority cases necessary medicinal treatment
For the first time published on 10.16.2018 at The Village, Ukraine